« Previous Day | Main | Next Day »

9 April, 2004

Gates, Ballmer, The Matrix

Here's a link to a very unauthorized copy of a video that features Steve Ballmer and Bill Gates. Someone shot it from a screening using a video camera. Unfortunately, it's very poor quality, and it's not even complete (the best parts are missing). In fact, there's a pretty good chance that it will be gone when you try to access it.

I saw it earlier this week. It was hilarious. Microsoft has lots of these videos, which they only show at special events. They really should make them available to everyone. If their goal is to generate some "good feelings" about Microsoft, these videos would be ten times more effective than their boring commercials.

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Pee-Wee's Big Interview

From MSNBC: Pee-Wee Herman creator speaks out.

Exclusive interview with Paul Reubens, his version of story behind embarrassing allegations and arrests.

I have no idea what Paul Reubens is really like. But if I flip through the channels and see a Pee-Wee Herman movie, I will always watch it. Always. Every time.

I should just buy the DVDs.

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Excel Gum

OK, this is the last photo. This was taken on a bus by David McRitchie. I was posing with some weird Canadian Excel gum, kindly provided by Debra Dalgeish.

Excel gum. Fresh breath and faster recalcs.

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Pond News

We have a small fishpond in the yard. Two things happened at the pond when I was gone:

• Good news: The first water lily of the year emerged. Last year, it happened on 1 May.
• Bad news: All of the goldfish (about 18) were gone. Some animal got in there and ate them all. This also happened last year, but a few days later dozens of tiny little goldfish emerged from eggs. Based on the recent activity of the fish, I think this will happen again this year.

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Still More Summit Photos

I'll just assume that someone actually cares about this stuff.

Group shot (I'm one of the two wearing a baseball cap)

Me, wearing my Excel error shirt.

These photos were taken by Tushar Mehta.

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Me And The Butterfly

Regular readers know that I'm a huge fan of MSN -- in particular the MSN Butterfly. Imagine my delight when I saw the MSN butterfly live and in person last Sunday night. I couldn't pass up such a rare photo op.

Click for a larger view.

Many thanks to Juan Pablo Gonzalez for taking the shot.

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Looking For Alfred Hitchcock

A Belgian film company put out this casting call for an Alfred Hitchcock look-alike.

[ALFRED HITCHCOCK LOOK-A-LIKES] Or anyone who feels that they resemble or capture in any way Hitchcock's physical attributes/essence. Open to any age (over 18), gender, and ethnicity... Black or dark-colored suit and hat preferable for audition, but not required.

I've always thought Alfred Hitchcock had a unique look. I wonder if they'd really settle for an 18-year old Japanese woman to play him?

(via Cinema Minima)

Posted on 9 April, 2004

MVP Summit Info

If anyone is curious about what really happened at the Microsoft MVP Summit, here's the official press release.

At the annual Microsoft Most Valuable Professional (MVP) Summit, Microsoft Corp. executives announced the Community Solutions Content Program for Microsoft Knowledge Base, key updates regarding the Microsoft MVP Source Licensing Program, and new feedback, assistance and community tools tailored for MVPs that will help facilitate feedback in the Microsoft product development cycle.

Doesn't that sound like fun?

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Band Name Origins

Here's a site that describes where band names came from: Band Name Origins. They are submitted by readers, so there is no guarantee that they are actually true.

For example, The Cranberries:

With original lead singer Niol Quinn, the band was called "The Cranberry Saw Us" because if you say it quickly, it sounds like "Cranberry sauce". When Dolores O'Riordan replaced him, she had the name shortened to "The Cranberry" and the band's demo tapes were labeled "The Cranberry's". The first one was returned addressed to "The Cranberries" and they decided to keep the name.

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Black Box

Airplanes have a black box, so why not a Black Box for People?

Under the leadership of Stanford University professor Greg Kovacs and NASA/Ames design engineer Carsten Mundt, researchers have developed a device that is like a black box or flight recorder for human beings.

Just as a plane's black box records crucial mechanical data, NASA's device, the CPOD (pronounced "see-pod"), keeps track of biological data, like changes in heart rate, the amount of oxygen in the blood stream, how the wearer is moving ... and much more.

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Windows Music

This is a clever Flash app: Windows Noise. I think it's more music than noise.

(Thanks Jim Kloss)

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Fake Vacation Photos

Here's a great idea. Pretend that you took a vacation, and then generate some fake vacation photos to support the lie.

This week, for example, I was in Paris. Here I am at the Eiffel Tower with the kids.

(via The Museum of Hoaxes)

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Midnight Ministries

From Midnight Ministries:

On 15th June 2002, a two-year old boy died. His parents brought the child to David Isaac, an evangelist working with Midnight Ministries' outreach in Nigeria. David prayed for his resurrection, and taught the truths of God to the child's parents for three days... and... boom!! God restored the boy's life!

You know, coming back from the dead is a rather unusual feat. I'm surprised that story wasn't on the TV network news shows.

(via Bifurcated Rivets)

Posted on 9 April, 2004

The Answer Bag

Got a question? Try the Answer Bag.

Answerbag is a compilation of human knowledge and experience. It is a universal, user-generated set of frequently-asked questions (FAQs). It is built and policed by its users, a worldwide information community that is working together to make Answerbag an authoritative collection of questions and answers on any topic relevant today.

Kind of like Google Groups but without as much worthless garbage. But then again, I think you have a much better chance of finding an answer at Google Groups.

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Formatting Time Values In Excel

The software that was used to generate a document is sometimes very obvious. Here's a section from the daily Agenda for the Excel people at the MVP Summit.

I'm thinking that this error was done on purpose, as a joke. But maybe not.

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Dick's Excel Word Challenge

If you like word games, check out The Excel Word Challenge. Knowledge of Excel is not required.

The challenge is to find the largest word that can be spelled using Excel's column headers by hiding columns

Excel's column letters start with A...Z and then continue with AA, AB... all the way through IV.

You can create words using any of these single or double-letter column names. The only rule is that the words must be formed by using the column names in the order in which they appear. In other words, the word can be created by hiding columns in an Excel worksheet.

For example, the words deaths is valid and it's comprised of four column headings, in order: D-E-AT-HS. The word death, on the other hand, is not valid because column H is not in the correct order (it appears to the left of column AT).

The screen shot here shows an Excel sheet with all but four columns hidden.

The object is to come up with the longest word. A secondary contest is to write a VBA function (or formula) that determines if a particular word is valid or not.

This contest was invented in a bar, and Dick Kusleika takes full responsibility for its success or failure. So post your entries at Daily Dose of Excel, not here.

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Excel And Relationships

I received an Excel-related email from a woman in Long Beach (names omitted to protect the innocent).

My relationship of 13 years seems to be almost about to fall apart. I am afraid, and sad.

I have acquired all the basic knowledge about Excel. I can make pretty looking, though very accurate, data lists, like name, address and phone number lists, or lists about many boxes and their contents to be shipped off to a warehouse, using the Sum function. I am very confident that I could make charts very soon, so I have not made one yet. But I do have all the knowledge it takes. I acquired all I know through books, and with a little help from [my boyfriend].

But she has some problems.

I have trouble grasping the concept of formulas, and their copying and pasting. I was a very poor math student throughout the Gymnasium, the German name for advanced high school. The area of my brain where logical, spatial and numerical thinking is processed, feels like a puddle of pudding.

My boyfriend cannot accept my poor performance in these areas... Recently we had several very disturbing verbal exchanges about formula use in the calendar I made.

I was so saddened by this email, that I had to reply. I sent her an explanation about how the formulas work in her calendar workbook. I hope it helps.

But maybe she really needs to contact Dear Abby. I wonder how many relationships have fallen apart because of Excel?

Posted on 9 April, 2004

256 Bytes

Is it possible to create a computer program that uses no more than 256 bytes? Yes it is. See 256B.com.

These *.com programs run in DOS mode, not Windows. But you'll be amazed at what can be done with assembly language.

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Thorax Cake

I guess I missed this one when I was gone: Thorax Cake.

I generally make a bleeding heart cake for our annual pumpkin carving party (Pumpkinfest). Sometimes the heart beats, sometimes it's anatomically correct, and so on and so forth. This year I decided to go the whole hog and make an entire thoracic cavity cake. The plan was for each organ to be made out of a different kind of cake and to secrete a different color of fluid when it was cut into.

This would be a great dessert at a convention of morticians.

Posted on 9 April, 2004

The Kennedy/Lincoln Coincidences

I think everyone has heard about the parallels between John F. Kennedy and Abraham Lincoln. For example:

Lincoln's secretary, Kennedy, warned him not to go to the theatre.
Kennedy's secretary, Lincoln, warned him not to go to Dallas.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

This document at Snopes explains why these parallels are not as amazing as they may seem: Linkin' Kennedy.

The coincidences are easily explained as the simple product of mere chance. It's not difficult to find patterns and similarities between any two marginally-related sets of data, and coincidences similar in number and kind can be (and have been) found between many different pairs of Presidents. Our tendency to seek out patterns wherever we can stems from our desire to make sense of our world.

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Excel Chart Trick

A few days ago I alluded to an "amazing chart trick" for Excel. As it turns out, it's not quite as amazing as I thought it would be. The new version of Excel for Macintosh supports semi-transparent charts (see screenshot). Excel for Windows users have wanted this feature for a long time, but it's not possible.

But... if you create a semi-transparent chart in Excel X for the Mac, and then open it in Excel for Windows, the semi-transparency is maintained. In other words, Excel for Windows can render such a chart, but it can't create it.

It's kind of interesting, but I originally thought that it would give you a completely different-looking chart. But apparently, it still looks like an Excel for Windows chart. So I'll call it a semi-amazing chart trick.

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Alternate Spellings For Spam Writers

Some guy asks:

After I received 80,730 different emails trying to sell viagra, I started to wonder: How many different ways are there to spell Viagra.

Answer:

There are 600,426,974,379,824,381,952 ways to spell Viagra. There are actually more than that when you consider letter substitutions.

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Bob Dylan And Victoria's Secret

I never thought Bob Dylan would sell out and do a TV commercial for Victoria's Secret. But he did. See it here. As commercials go, this one is quite viewable.

Posted on 9 April, 2004

CyberTan

If you're stuck in front of a computer all day, you might like CyberTan.

Using revolutionary new technology, it is now possible for you to get a real tan online. CyberTan's patent pending tanning system delivers safe levels of ultraviolet light through your computer's monitor.

So, now with CyberTan, you no longer have to have that sickly, pasty, fish-belly white face anymore.

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Blues Breaks

For blues fans: Blues Breaks has thirteen 60-second films produced, directed, written and edited by Robert Mugge.

Last week I happened to catch Mugge's Last of the Mississippi Jukes film on TV. Highly recommended.

Posted on 9 April, 2004

Excel 12 Review

Following is another J-Walk scoop. It's a brief review of Excel 12. Since I signed a nondisclosure agreement, some of the details can't be revealed yet.

Posted on 9 April, 2004