Tiger Talks

Well, he doesn't talk. He writes: Statement from Tiger Woods.

As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I'm pretty sore.

This situation is my fault, and it's obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I'm human and I'm not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn't happen again.

This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.

Blah, blah, blah.

I heard his wife beat him up with a 9-iron because he caught him with another woman. Then he chased him out of the house. He got in the car, and was going to visit OJ Simpson. Then he remembered that he's in jail.  He was so drunk that he stepped on the gas pedal instead of the brake pedal.