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Wednesday, 31 December, 2008

My 2009 Predictions
(with comments)

I spent some time with my crystal ball this morning, and this is what I see for 2009:

  • O.J. Simpson will not escape from jail.
  • Electronic books will continue to gain popularity, and several Kindle competitors will emerge.
  • Microsoft Office 14 will not be released in 2009, but book authors will be kept busy writing books about it.
  • A scandal involving the Clintons will come to light.
  • At year-end 2009, the Dow Jones average will be right around 10,500.
  • Several major retailers will close their doors. Included among them are Blockbuster, Best Buy, Circuit City, and Borders.
  • A prominent U.S. senator will die, and it will lead to a minor scandal.
  • Health Care will be a popular topic, as aging baby-boomers need more and more of it.
  • A superstar of music will die of a drug overdose.
  • Four major airlines will declare bankruptcy.
  • At least a dozen sightings of the Virgin Mary and/or Jesus will be reported.
  • A popular sports star will be embarrassed over a sex scandal.
  • By year-end, the number of U.S. troops in Iraq will be at the same level they are today.
  • Sarah Palin will remain in the news, even though she doesn't actually do anything.
  • The World Series will be won by the Yankees (yawn).
  • By year-end, Obama's approval rating will be approximately 50%.
  • There will be no terrorist attacks in the U.S., but there will be a few failed attempts.
  • A prominent Scientologist will denounce the cult and write a book.
  • The Pope will get injured, but through the power of prayer, he will pull through.
  • Peanut butter. Something will happen that involves peanut butter.
  • The music industry will have its worse year ever.
  • Google's Chrome browser will gain popularity, and take market share from Internet Explorer.
  • The Academy Awards ceremony will be canceled.
  • By mid-year, the jobless rate in the US will be at 10%, but it will decline a bit by year-end.

If you have psychic powers, please post your predictions here.


Permalink | Posted in General |
  1. By Landstander. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @09:21am:
    You should start a counter to accompany all of your Jesus/Virgin Mary sightings posts.
  2. By Shel-tone. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @09:34am:
    The Dallas Cowboys will not go to the playoffs for the 14th year in a row.

    More republican congressmen will come out of the closet.

    Obama will be betrayed by the x-Clinton people in his administration.

    A conservative talk show host will lose his show because of something racist he says on his show.

    Something interesting will happen during a major league baseball game.

    More charges pressed on x-members of the Bush regime - nothing significant will come of it though.

    A major financial scandal involving Wal-mart.

    There will be a "Family Ties" reunion show.

    Anyone using the slang "Old School" will be socially outcast.

    J-Walk will be temporarily "born again" but later realize it was just bad gas from eating tainted bacon.

    Bisbonian will stop a crime, somewhat scooby doo style.

    another larry will win something.

    Spokane Mary will have an epiphany.

    Miss Cellania will get her own show.

    Curtis will get really sick of bacon.
  3. By wally the duck. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @09:49am:
    Did these come to you in visions while you were sick?
  4. By DrAtkins. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @09:51am:
    Sears and Kmart are owned by the same company. So it's likely that the two stores will behave similarly.
  5. By J-Walk. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @09:53am:
    Bisbonian will stop a crime, somewhat scooby doo style.

    That's funny. I had that same prediction, but I deleted it because I thought it was too outlandish.
  6. By Mean Jean. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @09:57am:
    My daughter is planning a Jesus/Mary sighting at her house in Gainesville, Florida. They need a $$ infusion and she figures it's the quickest way to get strangers to just give you money. She's working with a rainwater stain on the most prominent side of her house.
  7. By Chris J.. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @10:02am:
    Rance and his lovely wife wife have a baby.

    Wally the Duck will out himself and become Wally the Swan.

    Toad will stop being funny.

    William Tell posts to several Friday open mic, sans alcohol.

    Mean Jean expands her painting to include nude body painting, Mr Mean is her first... and last subject.

    Banjo posts decline in favor of kazoo posts

    The kazoo is found to be a primary source for euvula cancer

    With gas prices down, Curtis buys a Hummer.

    Bisbonian is busted for pot farming in the Santa Cruz mtns. Begins posting as Folsom Betty.
  8. By KS. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @10:58am:
    Britney Spears will attempt a comeback.

    Bill O'Reilly will be shocked by something that President Obama says during a press conference.

    Heating oil prices will go up in January and February. Oil companies will blame the increases on 'unexpected demand'.

    Axl Rose will announce a reunion of Guns & Roses original lineup. It will actually happen in 2027.

    The History Channel will go a whole week without broadcasting a show about Nostrodamus or the Holy Land.

    Gas prices will go up in late June or early July. Oil companies will blame the increases on 'unexpected demand'.

    There will be numerous stories about vinyl records making a comeback.

    A country singer will be involved in a scandal involving sex & drugs.

    Starting in mid-January, people will not remember who was president before Obama.

    Gas and heating oil prices will go up in November. Oil companies will blame the increases on 'unexpected demand'
  9. By Eclectablog. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @11:01am:
    How'djya do last year, John?
  10. By john weeks. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @11:04am:
    Jimmy Durante will die.
  11. By KS. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @11:06am:
    Late breaking prediction:

    Dick Cheney will deny knowing anything about the numerous paper shredding trucks running 24 hours at the Naval Observatory.

    Cheney will also deny any advance knowledge about the pardon he received on the morning of January 20.
  12. By Dick Kusleika. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @11:06am:
    Seventeen Mississippians will get sick after eating at a Taco Bell. Initially, it will be blamed on a food-borne pathogen, but it will be discovered that one of the employees was deliberately poisoning the food. He will shoot himself before the trial. A neighbor will say "He was a quiet boy. Kept to himself mostly."
  13. By J-Walk. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @11:13am:
    That's a very specific prediction, Dick. Much more so than mine. What brand of crystal ball do you use?
  14. By mmmark. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @11:15am:
    Bristol Palin will become pregnant again.

    Oprah will lose more than 30 pounds and declare she will never gain it back.

    A well-known international sports figure will be killed by another well-known international sports figure.

    A well-known J-walk comment contributor will get a tattoo. It will not be a picture of an eggplant.

    President Obama will injure himself playing basketball. He will not quit smoking.

    The blog One Video Per Day will reach its goal of having more than ten visitors in a single day.

    This will become the #1 haircut for men:
    21v95x.jpg
  15. By LJW. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @11:25am:
    I will get a new job

    Wendy! will cry when her last baby graduates high school, but will look fabulous at the same time

    Madawinnie will wow everyone at college with her superior intellect
  16. By wally the duck. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @11:36am:
    mmmark,
    The haircut is OK, but he ought to see the doctor about that tongue.
  17. By concertinist. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @12:01pm:
    J-Walk will buy a new banjo. He will also sell off an instrument or two.

    The rutabaga will become a trendy food.
  18. By Bryan. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @12:14pm:
    Trout! Something will happen with Trout..something fishy (boy was that bad)
  19. By Curtis. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @12:43pm:
    The music industry will have its worse year ever.


    I do agree that things will get worse for the music industry in '09, but I think you meant to be more of a cranky absolutist in this prediction rather than just stating the obvious, no?

    With gas prices down, Curtis buys a Hummer.


    Close, but no cigar, Chris J -- I am buying a Ford Escape hybrid influenced by J-Walk's end of '08 vehicle purchase
  20. By J-Walk. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @12:49pm:
    I am buying a Ford Escape hybrid

    You can actually find one? There wasn't a single one available in Tucson.
  21. By Mean Jean. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @01:00pm:
    I'm sending Chris J. a photograph of the naked body painting I did on Mr. Mean.
  22. By embrangle. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @01:07pm:
    Bad weather (this one is a little foggy)

    Illicit drugs (can't focus on this one either)

    Increase in Darwinian Award entries (took a major leap here)
  23. By Evil Klown. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @02:10pm:
    Obama's approval rating? Do you mean the general population or the media?
  24. By Sereena X. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @02:49pm:
    A scandal involving the Clintons will come to light.
    A popular football player will be outed as gay, causing an outrage among his fans.

    Hillary isn't really that popular, and most people are probably unaware that she plays football.
  25. By Curtis. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @03:37pm:
    You can actually find one?


    Yep. Not hard to find here. This is Ford Country.
  26. By Taco Jocko. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @03:39pm:
    Upon returning to Earth for the first time in 2009 years, Jesus will look around and exclaim, "Holy Crap!"

    ESPN will air a new fishing show targeted to conservative Christian sportsmen entitled "Holy Carp!"

    Robin, homosexual sidekick of Batman, will sue both Jesus and ESPN for copyright infringement over the use of the phrase "Holy [Fill in the blank]!".

    Robin will be elected to the U.S. Senate representing the state of Oklahoma.
  27. By Hal. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @05:15pm:
    LOL I loved the "Peanut Butter" one.

    I just finished watching the I.O. USA video and it scares me quite a bit as we go into the new year.

    I think a lot of people are going to be turning toward saving money. And gold probably will be one of the modes to that end because I think the dollar will be toast. I see from ExactPrice that gold is taking off after close today and is at 883.90 right now. Given it all I am beginning to wonder if Peter Schiff's prediction isn’t right about it going through the roof in ‘09. He claims $2,000 an ounce will likely be hit.
  28. By MAPLE LEAF. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @07:44pm:
    Are there four "major" airlines left ? ?? ???
  29. By Bisbonian. Comment posted 31-Dec-2008 @09:24pm:
    Bisbonian will avert four major airline bankruptcies, somewhat scooby doo style. But the airline industry will go to pot anyway.
  30. By Word Pecker. Comment posted 01-Jan-2009 @01:06am:
    1. "By year-end, Obama's approval rating will be approximately 60%." But then, will Bush sigh and clap ?

    2. "Peanut butter. Something will happen that involves peanut butter. " What will that be, Jimmy ?
  31. By L.. Comment posted 01-Jan-2009 @04:40am:
    Something to do with three apples, but I am not clear what yet. I do know that it won't be funny though.
  32. By Oolon Colluphid. Comment posted 01-Jan-2009 @08:30am:
    Bristol Palin will say, "Teenagers need to prevent pregnancy to begin with," causing the vicious liberal media and pseudonymous snarky blog commenters to point out that Bristol's mother opposes effective sex education and birth control.
  33. By Gary. Comment posted 01-Jan-2009 @05:22pm:
    I'll eat beignets at cafe du mond like mmmark at least once in 2009.
  34. By mmmark. Comment posted 01-Jan-2009 @06:47pm:
    Gary, that picture is not of me. It's some better looking guy with good hair.
  35. By Dean. Comment posted 01-Jan-2009 @07:40pm:
    job loss a million per month for 3 months in a row, super-capacitors become important, "Would you like a side order of reality with that", "getting hit with a clue by four", "But if you act now, for only a little bit more you can get this model that is made in the USA and is completly repairable" (That might be a few years out).
  36. By eqd. Comment posted 02-Jan-2009 @02:50am:
    Google's Chrome browser will gain popularity, and take market share from Internet Explorer.

    How could you possibly measure the latter part of this?
  37. By Agitationist. Comment posted 09-Jan-2009 @08:59pm:
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