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Monday, 01 September, 2008

Collaborative Story
(with comments)

Phillip, at Steel White Table, is doing another one of those collaborative stories. He's looking for people to add more sentences.

The story is shaping up nicely. It starts like this:

The house was built on a cracked foundation. A young man named Peter Wilson lived in the basement with that cracked foundation. Any kind of precipitation, hail, rain or snow, required he lift his shoes and books off the floor where they would otherwise get wet overnight. The water seeping through the foundation at times became audible, the sound of a trickling brook. Inevitably Peter would make several trips to the bathroom. A rug by the side of his bed had to be rolled up and stuffed onto a shelf in his closet. He would have damp feet all night.

Peter lay in bed, tossing and turning because the pervasive dampness made it hard to get warm enough to fall asleep. He imagined the water rising, floating him and his bed out the door as he slept, down the street to the harbour.

My contribution comes a bit later:

He crumbled the three completed pages into a ball, tossed them somewhere near the overflowing trash can, and turned on the TV.

Personally, I think it's the high point of the story. Others might disagree.

If you'd like to contribute to this epic, read the instructions carefully. He's added a new rule.


Permalink | Posted in General |
  1. By wormpicker. Comment posted 01-Sep-2008 @06:15pm:
    He crumbled the three completed pages into a ball, tossed them somewhere near the overflowing trash can, and turned on the TV.

    So, where's the bacon?
  2. By Mean Jean. Comment posted 01-Sep-2008 @06:46pm:
    Quick! Jump on the banjo. The word is waiting for you, John.
  3. By Toad. Comment posted 01-Sep-2008 @09:13pm:
    I think you meant "crumpled", not "crumbled". Otherwise, a great addition to the story.

    Are there any charts?
  4. By Phillip. Comment posted 02-Sep-2008 @04:23am:
    Personally, I think it's the high point of the story.

    I agree. I was tempted to pull the plug then because I knew it could only go down hill from there.
  5. By TimS. Comment posted 02-Sep-2008 @05:18am:
    Hey! Why don't you write your next Excel book this way? We'll help!
  6. By 12-stringer. Comment posted 02-Sep-2008 @04:59pm:
    Must agree with Toad - you crumple paper; you crumble bacon. Should be mnemonically easy enough to remember: "p" for paper crumpling, "b" for bacon crumbling.
  7. By J-Walk. Comment posted 02-Sep-2008 @05:13pm:
    I think you meant "crumpled", not "crumbled".

    My friends, if I meant "crumpled" I would have written "crumpled."

    As a professional writer, my job is to evoke emotions in my readers. Most of the people who read my excellent sentence experienced an inner discord, which they couldn't quite identify. This left them with an emotional response that translated into (a) fear, (b) consternation, or (c) vexation. In other words (for you laymen), my word choice created a predictable emotional experience in the reader. The person who submitted the next sentence should be grateful for that because it made their job easier.

    That, my friends, is what separates the good authors from the bad authors.

    Any questions?
  8. By 12-stringer. Comment posted 02-Sep-2008 @05:28pm:
    Touché.

    If I'd meant "touchy", I still might have typed "touché", just to keep you guessing - and also so you'd wonder how I accomplished the acute accent (as opposed to grave accent). Of course, I ain't no perfeshunal righter, but that don't mean I ain't capable of also provoking emotions in my reeders, as well.

    Any questions?
    Just one (rhetorical) - why for didn't you pounce on that word list and snaggle the readily available "banjo"?
  9. By Mean Jean. Comment posted 02-Sep-2008 @05:42pm:
    Aw, man. Your word got mis-used. Tsk.
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