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Tuesday, 10 May, 2011

Budget SNAFU
(with comments)

Those clowns in DC screwed it up again: Budget Mix-Up Provides Nation's Schools With Enough Money To Properly Educate Students.

According to bewildered and contrite legislators, a major budgetary mix-up this week inadvertently provided the nation's public schools with enough funding and resources to properly educate students.

Sources in the Congressional Budget Office reported that as a result of a clerical error, $80 billion earmarked for national defense was accidentally sent to the Department of Education, furnishing schools with the necessary funds to buy new textbooks, offer more academic resources, hire better teachers, promote student achievement, and foster educational excellence—an oversight that apologetic officials called a "huge mistake."

USA-POLITICS "Obviously, we did not intend for this to happen, and we are doing everything in our power to right the situation and discipline whoever is responsible," said House Budget Committee chairman Paul Ryan (R-WI), expressing remorse for the error. "I want to apologize to the American people. The last thing we wanted was for schools to upgrade their technology and lower student-to-teacher ratios in hopes of raising a generation of well-educated, ambitious, and skilled young Americans."

John Boehner, in a tearful moment, sez:

"Once these kids learn to read and think critically, you can never undo that. In 20 years, we could be looking at a nightmare scenario in which vast segments of our populace are fully prepared to compete in the new global marketplace.  It could take a whole generation to cancel out the effects of this."


Permalink | Posted in Humor |

- Reader Comments -

Following are comments in response to this item.
The most recent comment is at the bottom.

  1. By wally the duck. Comment posted 10-May-2011 @06:59am:
    It's Weepy!
  2. By Umatilla. Comment posted 10-May-2011 @07:23am:
    "Once these kids learn to read and think critically, you can never undo that."

    Bad news for the Tea Party, which relies on poor education to feed its base.
  3. By Miss Cellania. Comment posted 10-May-2011 @07:41am:
    If it were only so!
  4. By meg_mac. Comment posted 10-May-2011 @08:44am:
    republicans are in,as my dad would say, A Rock and a Hard Place.
  5. By vanessad. Comment posted 10-May-2011 @09:19am:
    The horror! The horror! Please, I must look away...
  6. By Evil Klown. Comment posted 10-May-2011 @11:29am:
    I think everyone should support the idea of Big-Government indoctrinating the children teaching "critical thinking."
  7. By Onecos. Comment posted 10-May-2011 @11:42am:
    Posted in "Humor". More funding won't help education. We need more people who give a hoot. Parents need to take action and not rely on the schools or government to educate their children. Until this happens we're doomed. EK has the right idea. LESS GOVERNMENT.
  8. By Nitwit. Comment posted 10-May-2011 @01:00pm:
    At my school, our US Government teacher instructed the kids that the difference between Republicans and Democrats was that Republicans "hated blacks and brown people". Our art teacher sports a Che Guevera (or however you spell the asshat's last name)wrist key chain and taught the kids that Bush was behind 9/11. And in science they still show Gore's "Inconvenient Truth" as though it were gospel. Now, that's education money well spent.
  9. By Umatilla. Comment posted 10-May-2011 @01:14pm:
    was that Republicans "hated blacks and brown people"

    That's not right. They should have taught you that the Republicans also hate women, gays, non-Christians, and science.
  10. By Che. Comment posted 10-May-2011 @01:53pm:
    Nitwit:

    Che Guevera's last name is spelled "Lynch."
  11. By gdm IV. Comment posted 10-May-2011 @03:40pm:
    I think everyone should support the idea of Big-Government indoctrinating the children teaching "critical thinking."

    Unless this is an unfunny "conservative" joke that I just don't get, this might be the dumbest thing you've ever said, Evil Klown.
  12. By Spokane Mary. Comment posted 10-May-2011 @09:17pm:
    Just for the record, I don't believe one word of what Nitwit said.
  13. By nitwit. Comment posted 10-May-2011 @09:31pm:
    Believe it.
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