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Thursday, 13 October, 2011

Educational Toys

I found this at The OnionToy Prepares Child To One Day Pull Around Real Telephone On Wheels.

toy

It's odd, because that's all there is. There is no actual story -- probably because The Onion is complying with some law suit which stipulates that they post occasional serious educational pieces.

But if you have a child, you can buy that toy here: Fisher Price Classic Pull Toy: Chatter Telephone.


Permalink | Posted in Humor @4:59pm | Comments (1)

Wednesday, 28 September, 2011

Bad Lip-Reading

This is pretty good.


Permalink | Posted in Humor @7:48am | Comments (4)

Saturday, 24 September, 2011

Insects Without A Plan

Kind of odd: Bugs Infesting Area Apartment Have No Clear Goal.

Residents in a downtown apartment questioned the goals and motives of the bugs infesting their home this week after watching cockroaches wander aimlessly from room to room with no apparent objective.

"At first I thought they were just searching for food," Valerie Dicaro said Wednesday, adding that she figured the bugs would have their act together by now, considering it's been six months. "But then I saw a bunch of them in the hallway, where there's no food at all. What exactly is the game plan here?" Dicaro stated that if the bugs fail to make any progress soon, she might have to kill them.

roach


Permalink | Posted in Humor @2:23pm | Comments (8)

Sunday, 04 September, 2011

Head Falls Off

An example of the sorry state of journalism: Peyton Manning's Head Falls Off.

peyton manning

The article doesn't even mention who Peyton Manning is, or the circumstances under which his head fell off. I'm guessing he's a football player, and the decapitation occurred during a game. But that's just a guess.


Permalink | Posted in Humor @7:56am | Comments (4)

Wednesday, 10 August, 2011

Moose-Headed Knights of Sgt. Garcia

I found my old copy of the National Lampoon Sunday Newspaper Parody, packed away in the same box as my doctoral dissertation (I have a filing system that keeps all important items in the same place).

Here's an ad:

mooseheaded-knights

That newspaper parody is probably the funniest thing ever published in the history of mankind.


Permalink | Posted in Humor @3:20pm | Comments (5)

Sunday, 07 August, 2011

Facebook And The CIA

I had no idea -- which means they did a good job.


Permalink | Posted in Humor @7:12am | Comments (1)

Thursday, 21 July, 2011

He Hath Spoken

How's this for a switch? God Urges Rick Perry Not To Run For President.

Describing Texas Gov. Rick Perry as grossly unqualified for the position, God, the Creator and Ruler of the Universe, urged Perry not to run for president of the United States Wednesday. “I prayed last night and asked the Lord to support my candidacy, and He said no,” Perry told reporters outside the Texas Capitol…

USA-POLITICS/REPUBLICANS


Permalink | Posted in Humor @12:45pm | Comments (16)

Sunday, 17 July, 2011

Sign Fixer

We need more people like Weird Al.


Permalink | Posted in Humor @8:46pm | Comments (19)

Wednesday, 06 July, 2011

Stereo Test Record

This is from 1974, but I've never heard of it: Official National Lampoon Stereo Test and Demonstration Record.

The Official National Lampoon Stereo Test and Demonstration Record "was a parody of stereo test and demonstration records...voice acted by [Ed] Subitzky, John Belushi, Chevy Chase and Emily Prager."

NLSTADR

You can listen to three sample tracks.


Permalink | Posted in Humor @7:32am | Comments (3)

Wednesday, 29 June, 2011

Creationist School Created

This is odd: Creationist school appears out of nowhere.

God knows where it came from Scientists are said to be ‘baffled’ after a school teaching Creationism suddenly appeared overnight in a Hampshire field complete with a full retinue of teachers and pupils.

St Usshers Junior Mixed Infants is being heralded as the world’s first truly Creationist school, miraculously emerging out of the dust in what is believed to be the first recorded example of educational genesis.

‘I was as surprised as anyone to find myself here,’ said newly created headmaster, Dr William Jennings Bryan. ‘We haven’t seen anything quite like this since the beginning of the Earth in 4004 BC.’

Dr Bryan ran through the St Usshers curriculum. ‘Today the kids have Intelligent Design and Technology in which they have to devise and build their own ark. Then, this afternoon, it’s double pseudoscience followed by flat earth geography.’

Not everyone is happy with it:

Hampshire County Council has already raised concerns about St Usshers. ‘It’s all very well getting a shiny new school,’ said councillor Jeremy Spigot, ‘but at no stage did anyone run this past us. I don’t care if it is all part of God’s grand design. He should have sought planning permission first.’

And, the usual taunting by evolutionists:

Meanwhile, St Usshers is facing a bullying problem from neighbouring school St Dawkins. ‘The boys from St Dawkins are an absolute nightmare,’ said Dr Bryan. ‘Only last week some of them came by and deliberately threw fossils into our playground, shouting ‘Explain that!’ before running off giggling.’


Permalink | Posted in Humor @6:40am | Comments (3)

Sunday, 26 June, 2011

The Presidential Look

Just some make-up tips for the ladies. It's a look that says, "I have values, I'm smart, and I'm pretty."


Permalink | Posted in Humor @6:55pm | Comments (9)

Old Joke Is Good Joke

It's from The Town and Country Almanac, 1799 (found at Futility Closet):

A scholar, a bald man, and a barber, travelling together, agreed each to watch four hours at night, in turn, for the sake of security. The barber’s lot came first, who shaved the scholar’s head when asleep, then awaked him when his turn came. The scholar scratching his head, and feeling it bald, exclaimed, ‘You wretch of a barber, you have waked the bald man instead of me!’

LOL.


Permalink | Posted in Humor @1:02pm | Comments (23)

Friday, 17 June, 2011

All-Purpose Punch Line

I needed a good laugh, so I navigated to World Nut Daily's Joke of the Day. They always have good jokes.

Today's joke: Cat's meow.

Johnny's mother looked out the window and noticed him "playing church" with their cat.

He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled and went about her work. A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back to the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water.

She called out, "Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!"

Johnny looked up at her and said, "He should have thought about that before he joined my church."

"Well," he said, "I figured I'd go home and die a natural death."

Yesterday's joke: Office visit.

The doctor's office was crowded as usual, but the doctor was moving at his usual snail's pace. After waiting two hours, an old man slowly stood up and started walking toward the door.

"Where are you going?" the receptionist called out.

"Well," he said, "I figured I'd go home and die a natural death."


Permalink | Posted in Humor @7:45am | Comments (6)

Wednesday, 08 June, 2011

Stop Me If You’ve Heard It

In Washington state: Man with dead weasel accused of assault.

Police say a man was carrying a dead weasel when he burst into an apartment and assaulted a man in Washington state.

The victim asked, "Why are you carrying a weasel?"

Police said the attacker answered, "It's not a weasel, it's a marten," then punched him in the nose and fled.

Yeah, it could use a better punch line, but it's not a bad joke for being a news story.


Permalink | Posted in Humor @4:53pm | Comments (21)

Monday, 06 June, 2011

It’s A Wonder We’re All Not Dead

A new report: Life Put In Hands Of 2,000 Complete Strangers Every Single Day.

According to a new report from the National Institute for Safety Management, on any given day, the average American's life is entrusted to more than 2,000 different people who are complete strangers.

The report, which shows how any one of these anonymous individuals making a single mistake can easily cause another person's death, concluded that it is only through sheer luck that anyone ever makes it through a 24-hour period alive.

"People you don't know and will never even meet—food-safety regulators, bridge inspectors, whoever installed the gas lines in your home—ultimately have the power to decide whether you live or die," the report read in part. "We have no choice but to trust that these individuals are always being very careful and know exactly what they're doing."

"We even depend upon random people walking past us on the street not to suddenly pull out a knife and start stabbing us, which, when you think about it, is always a possibility."

The site has a short quiz that you can take. My result:

blind trust

Truly, I am lucky to be alive.


Permalink | Posted in Humor @4:01pm | Comments (12)

Thursday, 02 June, 2011

Royal Divorce

That didn't take long: Prince William Divorces Kate Middleton After 5 Weeks.

The Prince sez:

"People thought our wedding was some sort of fairy tale, but I assure you it was all just some ghastly ceremonial farce that got out of hand. I'm just relieved it's over, frankly. And I'm glad I'll never have to see that awful woman again."

And that was it.

Prince William then told the assembled reporters, "Well, see you all later," smiled, and walked back into Buckingham Palace.

pwilliam

I kind of thought that would happen. At least the peasants were amused for a year or so.


Permalink | Posted in Humor @7:53pm | Comments (20)

Wednesday, 01 June, 2011

Be Aware Of Goat Trauma

Today begins Goat Trauma Awareness Month.

In order to promote widespread knowledge of the dangers of goat trauma, The Childhood Goat Trauma Foundation has designated June as Goat Trauma Awareness Month. Throughout the month, the CGTF will sponsor programs across the country to teach people of all ages about the dangers of goat traumas.

Each year, over 6000 people are traumatized by goats in the United States alone.

If a child is traumatized by a goat before age five, he/she is five times more likely to become some form of social deviant.

Here's a little girl being traumatized by a goat.

yelodres

(via Metafilter)


Permalink | Posted in Humor @9:07am | Comments (13)

Sunday, 29 May, 2011

Boring Talk Gets Interesting

Amusing.

(Thanks Whitey)


Permalink | Posted in Humor @8:13am | Comments (11)

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